TED Talk: Dan Phillips + Philosophy + Reclaimed Building Materials = Beautiful.

I just have to share this.

Dan Phillips builds houses out of reclaimed... everything. But what's really striking is the humanistic and philosophical underpinnings of what he does.

One of the best rationales for the rejection of mass-produced sameness I've ever seen.

For Those About to Shop...

A little cartoon thought as some of us venture into the land of retail.... it's not which toys you like, it's what you do with them. Or something. Good luck!

BTALD: Customer Service

Lately I've spent a lot of time in customer-service land. The garbage didn't get picked up - but the lady was very pleasant about telling me that I can leave it out there for several days until someone makes it back around. My credit card info expired on everything I have ever done so lots of nice folks have informed me that they are discontinuing service, or sending another bill, or generally kicking me to the curb. So I call them all and fix it. I'm trying to order some doorknobs, but the person who is "really good at this stuff" (doorknobs?) isn't back for a few days. So I have to call back.

A lot of this involves setting the phone on speaker and listening to the person say "your call is important to us" over and over while I cruise around doing other things. 'Cause they really, really don't want to talk to you. I feel like the whole thing is just a test of my resolve.

The best one is where the little message says, "In a hurry? Try our website." Then you try the website, and they want some account number you don't have, so back you go to the phone. That's when I start punching the phone buttons really hard.

Anyway, these folks should provide some outlet while you're waiting. Maybe a game, where you get to yell swear words into the phone and it makes a Mad Lib out of them. Or, a human punching bag person you can scream at. Or, you push buttons and it makes the sound of explosions and people getting punched in the face.

I would stay on the line for that.

That's not MY beeping blipping thing.

Riding the train this week, I noticed that I'm not noticing something.
Namely, the various bleeps and bloops and little tiny versions of hit songs that emit from all over the place.
That used to be a real attention-getter. Now, nobody cares. People just erupt in blips and bloops all the time. It's like... gas.
A contractor at my house this week kept having Michael Jackson sing from his shirt pocket.
My phone has this kind of house-trip-hop groove it plays when I have a call, which I don't really realize is a call for a good 15 seconds or so. Then it has the happy "You have a message, happy happy joy joy" song it plays after I've missed whatever call it was.
Next time you're in a public place, just close your eyes and listen for electronic gobbledygook. It's pretty interesting. And, every so often you'll hear a snippet of some song you haven't heard in years, and then you can go download that and listen to the whole thing on Napster.
Like, Michael Jackson.

The Story of Stuff

I just watched a 20-minute video called "The Story of Stuff." It's worth a look. And Earth Day is a great opportunity to ponder how we got to the point where we're all entitled to cheap plastic crap at Wal-Mart. The biggest point I think the video makes: That the retail price of an item does NOT reflect the its true price. The true cost has been externalized by the corporation that made the item.

Our dishwasher broke this week, and even though we'd only had it two years, the repair guy posed the question of whether I wanted to fix it or replace it. And wouldn't you know, I did a little calculation in my mind as to whether I would feel "foolish" if I poured more money into this thing that clearly didn't work. I mean, why is that a question? Why remove a huge metal box from your house and send it out into the world if you don't have to?

Well, the dishwasher is getting a new part this week. I hope. In the meantime, hey, washing dishes by hand isn't that bad.

BTALD: Undo.

For every home improvement, there must also be a way to undo it. Because whether or not it is an "improvement" may be in doubt when it's all said and done.

I have many cans of ill-advised paint out in my garage. I'm told that I can donate it to the pile at my local hardware store for people who might want them. They're not bad colors, or evil or anything, they're just... wrong. Like the beige that turned out to make our living room look like the inside of a giant lipstick. Or the red that in the kitchen kind of looked like vampires had been through.

But the best service that the home improvement stores could provide their customers would be: calm. Some kind of service that helps you to keep breathing and remain calm when all you want to do is Be Done. Because I'd bet that most of those things that require the "undo" products happen during that "I want to just get this done" phase. Like, spilling. And, breaking. Maybe meditation tapes, or yoga. I would suggest beer, but we know that would only result in more things that had to be undone later.

BTALD: Toothpaste Factorial

It seems that someone learned factorials at the toothpaste factory - you know, the maximum number of combinations that you can make with a given number of choices. So they took all the different things toothpaste can apparently do, like whitening, and tartar control, and sensitivity, and sensitive tartar control, and tartar whitening, and control of sensitive tartar, and...

Well, now we all get to stand there and stare at all the boxes and try to figure out what we want our toothpaste to do. Then there's the flavor question. So, I am wondering -- are there certain toothpaste features that are BAD for certain people? I mean, this is the only reason I can think of why you wouldn't want to just offer all the toothpaste options, all the time. Maybe some people have a weird reaction to tooth whitening? Or the sensitivity stuff causes you to become weepy or something?

I mean, with mouthwash, they could just make the labeling a LOT more clear. There's Gross, and then there's Gross with Flavor, and then there's Burn Your Mouth Off, and then there's Gross but Pretty Color.

I just with that if they were going to offer all these options with toothpaste, they could throw in the stuff they do for kids too. Like, they could put glitter in it. That would make my decision a lot easier.

BTALD: 100 calories of what?

What a great idea, putting little 100-calorie packages of food together. I mean, you can just grab em and you know what you're getting, and that's really cool. Except, whenever I'm at the store I look at those things, and they're all - well, gross. Like, 100 calories of weird little Oreo-like cookie things shaped like parts of a soccer ball. Or, 100 calories of strange fig bar things with sprinkles on them. What is this stuff? I mean, could you do 100 calories of something recognizable? Maybe I'm shopping at weird stores.
I know, 100-calorie packages of hummus. That would be neat.
I realize that if you did 100-calorie packages of foods we usually eat for snacks, it would get pretty ugly - I mean, 5 crackers or a piece of bread or a single chip in a package is not going to work. The reality of it would be hilarious and sad at the same time.
But I have to say, I do love the "eat crap and still lose weight" idea that our food industry seems so bent on selling. They make so dang much money off this stuff. Putting a little sign in the 100-calorie snack shelf that says "go pick out an apricot or apple" would lose some big important business people lots of money.
But soon, it will stop raining and we can all go outside and run around and then calories won't matter so much.

Packaging is the Enemy.

And not just because it's a needless waste of resources that we're never gonna get back.

Here are the things I am good at doing with packaging:

1. Going to pour that unexplained liquid out of the hot dog package and in doing so dumping at least one hot dot straight into the garbage disposal (thooop)

2. Ripping that re-closeable ziploc top right off the bag of shredded Mozzarella cheese (reseal THIS!)

3. Cooking packaging into things, like what's that bit of plastic in the marinara sauce?

4. Generally flinging cheese everywhere

And this is just with food packaging. I won't get into what happens when I try to open toys. That's a separate issue.



I will say, though, it's pretty fun to dump cranberry sauce or creamy soup out of the can. It makes a very nice noise. Then I can wipe it up after I'm done pouring it on the counter or having it slide into the sink or under the toaster.

Retail Detox

So, last night my 3 1/2 -year-old and I needed to get a present for a birthday party he's going to this weekend.
This involved darkening the door of the ever-popular Target, otherwise known as The Big Store Where Mommy and Daddy ALWAYS Buy Me Something.
Now, the reason for this is because we almost never go to Target, except when we actually need something. And that something is usually a kid-related thing. Being Target and all.
However, in the 3-year-old mind, this has translated to the idea that one gets "a box of cars" every time without exception or the Earth will spin into the Sun you just watch.
Anyway, the drawing here is what resulted after my son wailed for a full hour about how he wanted some cars. Fortunately, the thing we were buying was nowhere near the cars aisle, so we got our stuff and got the hell out.
But this did not prevent volcanic interplanetary bellowing. Even when it was clear he didn't really know what he was saying. And after I pointed out we were no longer at the store.
I'm going to call this "retail detox." And I plan to do it again. No kidding. We are so good at making people WANT things in this country. I mean, this is a kid who sees almost no commercial TV. But he's a good little consumer, man.
Anyway, after a few more trips into Retail Land without buying anything I think his withdrawal symptoms will start to wear off. It really is like withdrawal. But I'm there with him, man. I'm gonna help him through.