24 hours before the Duck incident, there was the Squirrel incident.
We've had weird scraping noises coming from the attic for some time now. I had kind of gotten used to them, until the other day when they were replaced with frantic flailing and screeching.
I peered into the intake vent at the end of my hall to see something like that scene in Star Wars, the one where there's that big sand-worm thing trying to eat people as they fall down into a big sandy pit.
Except in this case, it was a baby squirrel and a duct. The squirrel was malnourished I think, and it kept falling into this duct-throat-thing and then clawing its way back out.
So, I closed all the doors to one side of the house, opened a door to the backyard, got a broom, pulled the vent cover off, and waited.
Pretty soon the little critter came out and tried to run for it - except squirrels can't run on wood floors 'cause there's no traction. So it flailed around like the last-place finisher in the ice-skating championships as I batted it toward the door with the broom.
Eventually, after trying to tangle itself in the computer cables and backtracking a hundred times through my son's room, the squirrel exited the house and hunkered down next to the chimney.
My daughter took it a Ritz cracker.
We had to leave for a while, but when we got back the squirrel and the cracker were gone.
So, good luck, squirrel dude. I hope you find someplace more friendly to hang out. And if you see that duck, throw something at her for me.