Big Thoughts About Little Drawings: You Idiot.

Today my three-and-a-half-year-old son came in and said to his sister, "You know what? We are imbeciles." I said, "Do you know what that means?" He replied, "It's another word for idiot." It's all about those cool new words when you are three I guess.
So in honor of the New Year, here's to all of us proud Idiots - Here's to those of you out there who just finished cutting the hair off the back of your kid's doll trying to get it out of the packaging after you gave it to her for Christmas, and everyone who found out the turkey does slide really easily off the counter, and everyone who discovered that their new Christmas lights only reach halfway across the front of the porch, and everyone who put their foot in their mouth at some holiday dinner or other, or got their spouse's boss' name wrong at the holiday party, or whatever other Idiot-type stuff you might have pulled off this year. Be proud. I know I am.
And, I'm going to try this funky mobile-posting thing while I'm out of town the next few days, so we'll see if that works -- otherwise, see you next week!

Big Thoughts About Little Drawings: National Parking Day

I think December 26th should be National Parking Day, since the greatest thing you can accomplish on this day is to find a parking place at some mall or shopping center. Then you can go forth and buy lots of stuff that you don't need simply because it is on sale, and getting a discount is a way of winning some sort of shopper-versus-retailer power struggle.
I went forth today with the idea of buying a really cool new pan. I know, lots of people think household stuff makes a crappy Christmas gift, but I actually think that using something fabulous in your everyday life, and appreciating how fabulous it is, is totally worth it.
So, I went to Macys where you could get a fabulous pan, along with a ten-pan set with some things that I couldn't even identify, plus a bonus Dutch oven thing with an oven mitt and a spatula and a "double bonus" other pan thing that I couldn't really tell what it was. You basically had to be an idiot to buy an individual pan, since in the ten-pan set the items were less than half the price. Even though you were spending more money overall -- you'd look like you were throwing money away. Go figure.
I became overwhelmed by the giant pan displays and the bonus items and the double bonus items so we left and bought some socks. Oh, and pretzels for the kids.
But we did find a lovely parking spot. You know, within a couple blocks of where we were going, not being smooshed in from both sides by ginormous truck-like things, a good spot. So from that perspective I'd say our National Parking Day was indeed a success.

Big Thoughts About Little Drawings: Urban Kid Myths

I always used to wonder as a kid: What would happen if I didn't step off the escalator? Could you really get sucked down in there? Or would it work like a big shredder?
It's sort of like wondering if you could go down the bathtub drain if you didn't get out. Or, fall into one of those storm drains in the street like that flat kid in the book.
It's as if when you're a kid, you and your imagination are pretty much the same thing. So if you can imagine falling into the heater vent, maybe you can really do it. Could I lay down between those train tracks and have the train go over me? Are those buildings close enough that you could jump from one to the other?
I wonder if it's partly because when you're a kid, your size is changing all the time. Where you fit is changing all the time. So, your idea of what size you are in relation to the world is a really elastic thing. So, you really do wonder where you can and can't go.
My daughter has a camera and I love looking at her pictures because they show the actual view of a 6-year-old. There are a lot of nostrils.
These days when I ride an escalator I still have that little moment before I get off where I imagine going right down into some upside down world or something. I bet I always will.

Anee queztyunzzz?

I went waaaaay back in the archives for this one (you can tell by the funky signature and lack of a border). I dedicate this to everyone out there who is trying to act normal while being really out of it, either because A. You took cold medicine or B. You didn't take cold medicine. Let's face it - modern life does not allow the common cold. There isn't time for it.

So here's to everybody out there who's just kind of making it through the day, doing whatever you're supposed to be doing, hearing the thud-thud of your feet hitting the ground from some echo chamber inside your head, ignoring the ringing in your ears, or hoping you brought enough tissue for the commute home. Hang in there.

One-Frame Movies

One of the things that makes single panel cartoons interesting is, even though it looks like only one drawing, a single-panel cartoon has a past, present and future. The cool part is where you choose to drop into the story. Take this one for example:

Okay, it's a dog. And he's not wanting his person to leave. But the fun part is what you think is going to happen after this panel, like the guy attempting to walk out the door while shuffling his foot with a dog sitting on it. Kind of like the scene in "The Jerk" where Steve Martin drags his dog down the street.

So, I kind of think of myself as a maker of one-frame movies. They've got a plot, they've got characters, they've even got dialogue. They're just really, really short. Like my thought processes.

Big Thoughts About Little Drawings: Regular Price

Long ago I worked at an art supply store where everything was on sale, all the time. Every time we put any new merchandise out, we stuck 10% off stickers on everything. We did this every month of the year, every day of the week. There were no "sales."
The idea was to convince people that the picture frames and photo albums and stuff were discounted from some mythical, lurking, terrible "regular" price.
I think it worked pretty well. They sold a lot of picture frames and photo albums and stuff.
Anyway, good luck with your shopping this holiday season. And remember, something is a good price if it means that you'll have money left over after you buy it. Or, after you get up at 4 am and stand in line to buy it. Or whatever crazy stuff you're planning to do.

Brainwaves Goes To The Movies... Sort Of

Alright, people. It's a brave new world for these little one-panel stories - okay, maybe I'm being dramatic - but I think these little drawings have been wanting to come to life for some time -- the key is keeping them as dumb as they are in print. That shouldn't be too hard.

Peace: Take Some, Pass It On.

Here's my holiday image for this year -- and I'd love for you to share it with your friends and family.
Feel free to copy/paste it, or email this posting to people. I'd love to send as much Peace around as possible. I'm hoping that each time this illustration goes to somebody, it'll carry a little bit of good karma with it.
So, have at it! And enjoy. And, peace.

Big Thoughts About Little Drawings: Put Your Arm Down.

I've noticed something weird: Whenever I'm walking down the street in some busy urban setting, there are tons of people walking around with phones up to their ears.
That's not weird.
What's weird is, the vast majority of the time, none of them seem to be saying anything. Now, either we're a nation of just amazing listeners (not), or there's something else going on.
Seriously. Even when I walk past a person who I've been observing for, say, the better part of a block, often I will not hear that person utter a single word into their phone.
Which makes me think, are we all just walking around holding up our phones because it makes us feel secure? Or keeps derelicts from coming up and accosting us on the street? Let's face it: holding up your phone sends the message, "I'm not really here and I'm not paying attention to you. I've got something better to pay attention to."
But next time you're out, watch the Phone People. Lots of them aren't saying anything.
Maybe soon I'll get up the gumption to start asking people what they're doing. Listening to immensely long voicemails? Being controlled by alien voice commands? Unable to lower their arms? Hoping someone will call? Who knows.